“How are you now?”
It’s the question I hear most these days — from friends, neighbors, even people I haven’t seen in ages.
It’s so kind for people care enough to ask. However, me drumming up an answer afterwards is a bit of a challenge. Especially when the run in is at a grocery store, farm stand or public event- when (likely) my ribs are on fire, my lower back feels like every disc has been replaced with a live grenade or my legs and feet have gone numb from nerve pain.
It’s a loaded question when you’ve gone through hell… and come out the other side a little sideways.
So here’s my update — one time, all in one place.
💊 The Medical Stuff
I’m not the same person I was. Not physically. Not emotionally. Not mentally.
There are a lot of new labels on my chart:
- Liver disease
- Nerve damage
- Autoimmune, questionable mayhem
- Immunocompromised
- Severe anemia
- Critically low iron levels
- Lack of blood in general- But very low on hemoglobin (The stuff that carries oxygen through your blood)
But what matters more is what that actually means:
- I’m still in treatment. Monthly labs. Specialist visits. Imaging. The works.
- Over-the-counter meds are off the table.
- Energy comes in weird waves. Some days I’m elbow-deep in jars. Some days I’m horizontal by noon.
- Pain? Yeah, we know each other quite well. Not constant, but close. I move slower. Very calculated.
🧠 The Mental Shift
I do need people to understand:
This changed me.
I’m more intentional now. More careful. More stubborn — in the best way.
I stopped waiting for perfect health before starting to build the life I want. A simple, kind, soft, loving and creative life. One that shares, gives back, cheers others on and isn’t competing with being #1.
I no longer exist in a toxic world where your “numbers” define your worth. Your hours put in on a time card somehow act as a qualifier just to get someone else’s time for a meeting that- ultimately goes nowhere.
In order to heal, I need the pace to be mine. The intent to be pure and helpful to others. To teach on my terms. To share the knowledge I have and to put in the (more than full time hours) for no one else but myself. To create something that is only for me- created BY ME. Something that cannot be taken from me.
That’s what Chaotic Canning is about. That’s what From Scratch at 40 stands for.
This life. This work. This healing — it’s all connected.
🌿 What I’m Doing Now (And Why It Matters)
I cook like my health depends on it — because it does.
I preserve and can not just because I love it… but because food is medicine in my world.
I build slowly. Messily. Sideways, even. But I build.
And I fiercely protect my time, energy, and peace. Because healing isn’t just physical.
💬 So… How Am I Now?
Better — kind of.
Different — absolutely.
Still healing — always.
Guarded now.
Jaded, maybe.
But still here. Still building. Still me.
And I’m building something that matters — even if it looks a little wild around the edges.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I appreciate you.
And now you know where I stand — no scripts, no sugar-coating. Just the simple facts.
A really dear friend to me shared some words of wisdom she had learned on her own journey. Allow me to botch the scenario and message below:
Say you wake up and you’re already low on energy. You don’t feel great. But, you’re here- starting your day on 40%. You only have forty percent to get you through the day. You get cleaned up, get dressed and do what you can with your day. At night, you lay down- (In my case, wincing in pain. Extremely gassed out and likely dehydrated and hungry). You’re done. That’s all you’ve got. But guess what- you GAVE your entire 40% you started out with…so what does that mean? It means you gave ONE HUNDRED PERCENT that day. You started out with 40% and you ended your day at zero. Don’t look at that as “not good enough” – because it’s perfect. You gave 100% of everything you had. That mentality alone has helped me a lot.
So here’s to giving each day 100% of what your body gives you. Be thankful, even for the slow progress, the unfinished tasks and the mess made in between. Just keep waking up and trying every day, with whatever percent is given to you.
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